E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//May 5, 2010

E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail May 5, 2010 "In the Garden of the Gods."

The Dream:I actually can see Pikes Peak from the back side of my work building and I often see planes of the Air Force Academy passing in front of this omnipresent landmark of Colorado Springs. Some miles from where I work is a strange exotic and grotesque convoluted natural formation, called 'Garden of the Gods" It is a major local attraction that the image of it may linger in your mind long after you have left this geographic location. It is not surprising then if such things enter my dream world as both day residues and convenient symbols of ones desires, fears and frustrations.

Several of my recent dreams have put me on planes, at airports and places far from here, but usually actual places that my company work requires me to go to, and which, I usually enjoy going to. Always however in the dream, people from other locations are often present that could not have been a actual possibility.

Dream: I am alone in the actual geographic place called the Garden of Gods, it is winter and patches of snow cover the ground and snow and ice clings to the strange formations, giving them a pleasant unity and peaceful appearance. I become aware in the dream that this is a lucid or near lucid scene, yellowish and reddish earth colors overlaid with blue-greenish snow that sparked and flickered. The winter light is not strong and the flash automatically fires when I try to photograph it. By the time of my third shot, someone sounding very angry loudly breaks the silence by cussing me out for having ruined there time exposure set up to picture the scene. I am startled that others are here, and offer an apology. I go further up hill to get away from this person and some persons that were with him. When I feel I have gone far enough I resume taking the flash photos. However the light becomes dimmer and things appear close to monochrome. I strain to see where I am stepping and begin to see a multitude of strange faces in the formation, some male, and some female. I tell myself that this is mind-projected stuff like seeing things in clouds. I am fascinated and somewhat anxious as some of the leering faces look directly at me. I avoid their gaze and look to other spots in the formations. I finally locate a woman's face, one strangely close in form to the secretary woman at corporation headquarters, that always attracts me and whom I have never had courage to approach. A group of trainer planes for the Air Force Academy, flying in a V formation suddenly zooms down and over me, very loud and with major vibration back effects and the whole formations begins to shake and crumble. I awake, its 6 A.M. and I can hear planes somewhere distant.

Send me your analysis or thoughts on this dream to fareanalysisguy@gmail.com, Put "Garden of the Gods" in the subject. Thanks All.

Mountain Software Writer April 6, 2010 White Faced Man Dream

04/06/10 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail

Saturday, I took my Wal-Mart bike out as the weather cleared up and it was warm enough that it really felt good. I went out toward the airfield and watched a few planes pass overhead including some probable air force pilot training runs. I returned by way of a small mall that had a Starbuck's Coffee franchise. The coffee and roll really hit the spot. They have a youthful looking staff, not one of the employees looked over 18. (making me an old geezer) I examined with interest the female counter people, and concluded they were attractive by not exceptional, and so young that it would be silly for me to try to strike up a friendship with any. I had the thought it would be nice if I had my laptop with me as some of the customers were solitarily doing something on. Crap, I thought to myself, that would be a poor substitute for a good relationship, and besides two-thirds of my waking life and an unknown amount of my sleep world is filled with technology images, day residues that I can't escape from. That night, I dreamed I was at work and at lunch break. I went to the company cafeteria, which strangely looked like a Starbucks. The cashier that took my money appeared to be a close fit to my preferred female type, She resembled or maybe even was, the same woman, who is the company headquarters secretary, that was in a previous dream, and who in real life I could never bring my self to approach. She now, was the acting cashier, but was cold, not smiling and acted as if she was being imposed upon in doing what was she was required to do. I moved on, wondering if she was a mind reader, who was rejected my inner thoughts, in which I had wondered for a few brief moments, what a relationship with her would be like. The place was full, so I took a seat at a table with some other employees, that I knew from sight, but not personally. As there were none here from my own department, I did not expect to enter into other than courtesy type exchanges. After a while a woman squeezed herself in between another person and me. I shifted as much as was possible but it was still uncomfortable. Now all this up to this point, the dream is slanted, more or less, to day residues, but at this point the dream goes sort of wacky. I somehow feel the body contact with the squeezed in dame was both desired-pleasant and forced-unpleasant and I associate her also with the company secretary I have been eyeing from a safe distance, for a year or more. The lunch period ends and most the people leave, including this woman. I think, I feel relieved. I stay put, while the crowd leaves and only an other man and me remain. He sits two tables away. I see him in detail with lucid clarity. He is average build, a little overweight, with heavy coat on. However his head is unusually round and he wears a woven yarn cap, pulled down at an angle so that it covers the entire left side of his very whitish face. He looks at me with his uncovered right eye, and signals that he would like to speak to me. I approach and he offers me a dish with a bunch of green grapes on it. I take the grape bunch and try to split it in half with my fingers. It breaks apart uneven. I take the larger part and leave the smaller one on the plate. I notice the imbalance but I take the larger one, (unlike what I would characteristically do in a real situation). I jokingly mention that this sharing was a 'horse and rabbit' division. Somehow, he looks German to me and I associate the strange cap to the headwear of old time German universities dueling fraternities and that maybe that his face was badly scared. A blind man enters with a Seeing Eye trained dog, a German shepherd breed, a bright intelligent animal. I think it is the same dog that belonged to Steve Jobs, that I was accused of dognapping in some earlier dream. The blind man sits next to the strange white faced man, who was apparently waiting for him. I feel this signals that I am an excused from further participation and I leave.

My Outreach: I think this dream is more about my fear of death, body injury, ego injuries, my emotional scars, my blind spots, than about my starved love life. Maybe some of you can see things here I miss. Let me know. Just put "White faced man" in the subject and send it to fateanalysisguy@gmail.com

03/06/10 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer "Two women and the Burning Curtain"

03/06/10 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail

"Two Women and the Burning Curtain."

March 6, 2010

Recently my employer sent a group of us to Atlantic City for the demonstration of our new, now in production, electronic devices. That went off without a hitch, and by this fall, many of these devices will be extending the horizons of communication in ways never before possible. The weather was cold, stormy and the airport connections delayed, causing our team to set for hours together at airport boarding areas. Hardly anything enjoyable. After a time of watching the monitors for news related to our next flight. It all seemed to have gone into an endless futile loop. The executive level members separated themselves to the bar and the rest of us began to talk amongst ourselves. We talked about the technical problems and the monotony of the seemingly endless testing that followed whenever even the slightest changes in the hardware configurations was made. But it was the human element involved that became our main conversation item. There had been clashes of management styles and petty conflicts, as recurring events, during the two year lead time. There appeared to be, as we talked to be a general feeling that we had collectively and as individually had somehow survived an ordeal of some kind. There was open pride in having succeeded. There was also some guilt about the human problems that occurred along the way. We talked of the several team members that had variously quit, been fired or transferred out. We spoke of what different members knew about these lost co-worker's problems. Some of these had had ugly personality changes, some had illicit love affairs and/or abuse involved personal lives. A common thread was; that nearly all the lost team members had taken to heavy drink and/or drug usage, (legal RX, street or both) just before they left the team. A few days after I was back at work and in the security of my home space, I had a dream that has bits and pieces of that trip and some strange twists. I am in a window lined corridor type construction that is common in modern airports. I am with two women, one is a team member from the recent trip and the other is an attractive, polite, but rather distant and impersonal person, that I know to be divorced and that she lives alone. She was not on the trip, but I do see her from time to time at corporate headquarters. I have never approached her, although I have thought about doing so. In the dream for some reason the three of us are at an access point of the corridor where different aisles lead to different flights. The two women check the documentation and boarding passes and start to argue over which way to proceed. The argument turns nasty, and they both turn to me to say which one is right. As I don't really know, I try to make a decision from what is printed on my boarding pass. I struggle to read it, but the numbers for the aisle and the check in desk are too blurred to read. Both women are now angry with me, each saying I was unworthy and incompetent, or they wouldn't be in the mess of potentially missing the flight. The windows along the corridor have curtains that can be pulled across to shut out the sun, when needed. They are open now and planes parked outside can be clearly seen. The 'team' woman in anger or frustration, pulls the curtain across the window and partly wraps herself in it, as if not to see us at all. This infuriates the 'corporate woman' and she pulls out a butane lighter and sets fire to it. I try to smother the flames but fear I am going to get burnt. Also I think the 'team woman' misinterpreted my actions as attacking her. I struggle to get awake and a part of the dream replays, only now, it is I, who grabs the lighter from the 'corporate woman' and make sure the curtain burns. I am repelled at the thought of such maliciousness on my part and get awake enough to turn the light on.

Send your comments or analysis to fateanalysisguy@gmail.com

Put ""Two Women and the Burning Curtain."  in the subject and I will get it.

Mountain Software Writer Febuary 8, 2010

2/08/10 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail Dreams Point to problems in my dull personal life. ) My apartment walls need new new paint. 2) An interesting Mamma (Italian) stirs guilt. 3) g-Mail account problem= a transparent Freudian sex symbol.

The Dreams: 1) My apartment walls somehow, needs paint, a professional house painter comes and says he detects the walls had been painted inadequately sometime in the past and the old paint had to be removed before re-painting. I reply, I know all about paint and he is mistaken, that it was normal fading and weathering, As I say this, I am embarrassed to see that the paint had started to crack and separate in places and that he could be right. I them feel uncomfortable over having made such an assertion. #2 Italian restaurant. It is one run by an older woman, who is my lover and we appear to happy together. She is widowed and her son Giovanni, comes to visit after not being around for a long time. He has reddish hair and a moustache, which looks, untrimm and gives him an unkempt look. His eyes sort of nastigmus-like shake when he looked at me. I wondered, if he is angry with his mom or me over our relationship. However he spoke only about how ill he had been and how unproductive financially his art efforts were. I somehow knew. that all this had something to do with his living with his emotionally disturbed women art models, who were also drug addicts. I am also somehow, an artist, my works,- landscapes, are displayed around the restaurant. Behind the windows of the upper story, a group of posters on paper are viable from the ground. These are the work of her son, They are professional quality, but some are sun faded. He takes these posters and leaves. 3) A problem repeats several times in this dream, about opening my g-mail account, after several try I conclude it is server problem and not with my PC or password. While still half asleep I analyze this dream as one of psychoanalytic sex symbols where g-mail becomes male-genital and shifts to the server side, responsibility for my present state of detactment from a significant love. Then I think, of the earler dream of the loving older woman at the Italian restauant and it amuses me that my CBT psychologist friend will tell me, deam analysis is achrcaic nonesence, that his instructors tell him it is a waste of time for any CBT trained therapist. I wake up, it is 4 A.M. Decide it was all just dream stuff.

My Take on this: Sure there is love missing in my life, I know that consciously. Why does my unconcious even bother to restate that with dream events? Maybe some of you can answere that question for me! Send your thoughts or comments to fateanalysisguy@gmail.com, Put' older woman dream' in the subject and it will get to me. Thanks all, Mountain Software Writer.

01/16/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail

01/16/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail

01/16/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail

01/16/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail

01/16/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail

01/16/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail

01/16/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail

01/16/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail

01/16/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail

Mountain Software Writer January 2010 "Dog Napper Dream"

1/04/10 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail Continuing with my contract with myself to report in monthly. Here it is January of 2010 and continue to push myself to do so before the month ends. I am almost word for word free associating to every element in the dream. This ometimes leads to childhood, other time to the space that I believe to be my present life, conflicts and wishes. I set aside an hour at least three days a week for the purpose. I notice that I am beginning to free associate silently to my self whenever some human interactions come to pass. While the goal was to understand myself I see evidence it is also helping me understand others.

Dream: I arrive late at the HP Computer assembly plant in Santa Clara, (where in the dream) I am to demonstrate my current company's new hardware and software products on the prototypes that are about to go into production. The facility is locate near an IHOP Restaurant. Somehow I am dropped off at the street and have to walk uphill carrying my bag of demonstration equipment, I pass a red and black colored guard house, something like one you would expect at a royal palace and arrive at the HP main building. The room set aside for this was empty when I entered. Someone there tells me that because I am late the meeting was cancelled and the company officials and gone for lunch at the IHOP restaurant and that I might catch up with them there. I feel disturbed and embarrassed at this and I puzzle how to on foot, to get through the heavy traffic running on state highway was between where I was and the restaurant I could see on the other side.(for some reason the guard house and blue roof of the restaurant where in bright color.) I try reaching IHOP on my cell phone, I get a recorded message that I am out of my access area. I go back and ask the guard, if he has any suggestions. Courteous and polite, he offers the advice to wait and that crossing the highway here is dangerous and illegal. I feel trapped and have visions of trying to explain loosing a major contract for my employer, due to my being late. As I wait, I, in my thoughts deny the possibility that I could be late and play with various explanations. Somehow then, I am standing outside the main building. A dog immaculately groomed with long glistening reddish hair approaches me. And friendly rubs his nose on my leg and looks up at me as if to see if I was reciprocating its need for attention and affection. I pet the dog and make some silly dog talk, just as if the dog understood every word I said. Suddenly two policemen grab me, ordered me on to my knees and have me put my hands behind me so they can handcuff me and then pat me down for weapons. (Just as in TV cop shows.) I protest- "..you people are making some kind of mistake." They laugh-'We got it on tape You stealing the company president's dog- -"-stay on your knees until the jail transport arrives." Then I am driven to the rear of the Santa Clara Police station, a large building, across from the local train station. Inside I was taken to a booking room, and was told to shut up and face the truth, that they had the notorious dog-napper. I am still handcuffed and my cell phone- now in the hands of a woman I think she is a prosecutor, it rings and with a sly smile she answers the call and trys to pump who ever was calling into revealing details about themselves and what part they play in the criminal activity. I gather from the talk. the call was from Grace, my former secretary. I loudly speak up: "Tell these people the police they have the wrong man!" I am shoved in a cell and to my surprise the dog is there and happily wags it tail as if overjoyed to be with me. On a bench, there are several outdated computers and with the dog close to me and watching, I try using the computer to pick up an Internet connection through the Starbuck Coffee Shop's, internet service, located just across the parking lot near the police station. This fails and I ask for my laptop and I am told it is being examined by forensics. A man comes to the cell door, and says he is an attorney. The dog snarls at him and won't let him in. He leaves offended as if it was me insulting him and says- " O.K. stay there." Suddenly, Steve Jobs from Apple Computer, [not HP and from miles away] appears and the dog goes ecstatic and it is obvious they belong together. He thanks me, takes the dog and leaves. I am released and told to get on the shuttle bus, #10, to the San Jose Airport, as if the police still considered me a person unwelcome or with criminal intent.

This dream has some strange kinks in it. First of all the HP company has been doing their own tests, and I would not need to go there at all. While I have had some dealings with Apple Computer, I have never met Steve Jobs in person. The dog so friendly, intelligent and attractive, I wish I had one like it. My psychologist friend has features that resemble the attorney. (some hidden resentment here? The police represent, maybe some father directed resentment-Oh! the female prosecutor! I must explore that issue.) The police charges represent some kind of guilt trip. Grace, so loyal and supportive. She stands for the mother, who would get me out of any difficulty, even if she had to lie to do so. However, she is out of reach here. What about the guardhouse and the blue restaurant roof and the dog in bright color? Why dog-napper and not something more plausible crime?

Of course I have a mass of personal associations to this dream that I am not reporting. But what I would like you to do: is to help me by sending me your associations or symbolic analysis. fateanalysisguy@gmail.com Put "Dog-Napper" in the subject bar. Thanks -Mountain Software Writer.

12/01/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//Bike Dream, Old Office Dream

12/01/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail December 01, 2009 Two Dreams: "1. Bike Chained to Post 2. My Old Office

Dream #1 A bicycle is chained to a street sign, not exactly my bike but it has my lock on it. I unlocked it and start to roll it to where I can put air in the tires. I see on the ground a long thin black air hose. It was kinked at a tuff of weeds on the ground and would not work.- Someone I could not see was trying to help by pulling the hose to unkink it. I could see where the hose was caught on a tiff of grass and I pushed it off the hang up with my shoe toe. I told someone that it was loose now, maybe my psychology student friend who bikes a lot. First Association: The word bicycle sounds a lot like bi-sexual and if that touches on some problem I have, then, the lock to the sign post would be both my denial and a fixation symbol that I try to unchain. The lock is a combination lock. This association makes uncomfortable but I push on. Perhaps the bike tires were flat from disuse and the long hose was an air source-the symbolism air as life support and libido, now like a neglected bike. The bike was a generic type not remarkable, my friend has a fast racing bike style of greater cost and sleek appearance. (I have a Wall-Mart's" under $200.00" ) bike due to my frugality. Or somehow a jealousy or envy trends is showing? Dream #2 Somehow a chance was being offered to me to restore the office, I formerly owned and where I barely made the cost of keeping it open and when on the verge of bankruptcy, I gave up being a independent software writer and came to work for my present company -for a modest but regulate salary]-In the dream, I was there to consider its reactivation but all was in semi-demolished state, even the floors now scraped down to dirt. The strong thick walls were still in place, otherwise just empty useless rooms. However the building adjacent was not affected, its workers had stacked boxes of scrap paper cuttings packed in cardboard boxes, against the outside of my old building, not there own. Looking across the alley I could see the other building housed a printing plant or something similar, it was busy working. ACCROSS THE front approach street, men and heavy equipment, were active, the noise was distracting and it was clear this would be incompatible with any sort of normal office functioning. MR W. (the actual landlord of the old office complex) came to discuss the possibilities -but I didn't think there was any chance and my ability to pay for it was questionable anyway. Grace, my former secretary appeared then, and she claimed to see some possibilities and that one room could still could be made to work. But I felt it was hopeless and protested "who would come through that dangerous construction activity to get in here and then be in a software developers office with little or no equipment, no staff, no inventory. {It never entered the dream that in my real life, I HAD SIGNED AN IRON CLAD CONTRACT with my present employer not to enter any kind related product competition should I leave the company. I guess my over glorified self image is punishing me for selling out to Mr. Big Big Co, yet it is nice not to worry about paying bills and scrounging for money and sales, like I uses to have to do.

Should you care to comment on my dreams, or me, be sure to put 'Bike Dream or "Old Office Dream in the subject space" --Send to: fateanalysisguy@gmail.com Thanks.

Strange lonely dream: "Shoes lost to the bay mud. Isolation, Counterfeit Cool Guy, Anxiety Dependency.

11/02/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail Strange lonely dream: "Shoes lost to the bay mud. Isolation, Counterfeit Cool Guy, Anxiety Dependency.

The Dream: I am in a flat tidal place with dykes making off distant watery sections with reeds, and inhabited by gulls, ducks and cranes. A place totally unlike my home, mountain region. I had seen a place somewhat similar riding in a car that passed along the highway that cuts across the South San Francisco Bay from a northeast San Jose to Cupertino on my way to the Apple Computer Center. I am walking out away from any visible road or people. I have a sensation of pleasant comfort with being there. As I walk further out, I notice it is getting muddier and my feet are sinking into the wet ground as I get closer to the bird sanctuary. I realize I have on street shoes and that they are starting to stick in the mud and I become anxious that I will lose them in the mud. I look for a dryer path or some debris to walk on, I find none. I smile and try to discard any thoughts of sinking deeper. I think of the people at work and if only they could see my dumb predicament now. I saw to grow anxious as the tide is rising and if I do not get free and head for high ground, I will have even a more serious problem. I decide that my not losing my shoes in the mud is no longer a priority and head aggressively toward high ground. As I do, my now bare feet feel hard metallic things and wires under the wet surface. This stuff abrades and cuts my feet, which start to bleed. I reach down and pull some of these pieces out of the mud. Most are rotted parts of very old computer and phone equipment. I toss them back and make a dash in near panic to the top of an earthen dyke, where I am safe, but the gravel top, hurts sharply ever step I take to get back to safety. I find some old discarded clothes or rags on the way and wrap my feet, this helps a lot and as I move on, I begin to worry about the feet getting infected from the dirty old rags. I see this on the surface as references to my self-analysis efforts. Which I see most the time as comfortable and pleasant. I recognize I have to move out from some comfortable and secure things, and reach beyond to both the natural things-the tidal recurring world and equally to my inner world. I often am aware that I feel isolated from others and strive to hide it from both myself and others by overcompensating by taking the initiative in encouraging them to start new input and then nudge them toward make suggestions that are going to support my already decided agenda. This is manipulative and after using such ploys, I feel guilty. The limited security gained for the wild life may represent the various pains and risks, in living. In addition, where (as in the dream) one solution may force you to cross and deal with even more painful things before you get back on the path. The dyke symbol pointing to controlling barriers, a planned resistance to time and tide and also safety, at a painful price to cut bleeding feet. The comfort provided by the rags also carry the danger of infection. This last symbolization, the fear of infection leads to associations that my self-analysis threatens to reveal deeper conflicts with a larger neurotic core than I had ever believed possible. I think a deeper interpretation would be, that in my personal life, I have major, advance and retreat strategies those work great for me on the surface But they also block real closeness, and authentic self-fulfillment in my personal life. These are my compulsive repetitious, my, fall back positions. The are automatically triggered whenever I let my self get too personally involved. I think in the dream I hoped for someone to help me, but it was clear I had to make the effort on my own. Being known a cool person is not as cool as it would seems. I believe that under the surface I have a distrust or others, particularly, those others significant to me. I expect to get hurt and begin to feel a kind of anxiety whenever I find I am growing dependent in my love life. I feel some guilt about this and struggle against revealing it. I know (on later reflection), it is caused more by what is in me than anything about them. I have always tied to make a virtue out of my avoiding dependency but I am being to see, it also served to hide a deep-set distrust of others.

My Outreach: If you care to point out what you think my dream mean and/or what I am missing, please do so. At this site where systematic self-analysis is encouraged, You,-everyone of you, are my personal analysts, amateur or professional, it is your input and encouragement that keeps me maintaining regular sessions, and my reaching for depth level free association. At times, I check my productive content and progress against, Psychoanalyst, Karen Horney's list of ten neurotic needs. I confess I don't always do this list checking as often as I should. However, when I do, I feel it keeps me from over-focusing on one thing while ignoring other less obvious things. I printed it out and keep it in my dream book. You don't have to memorize the list, just recognize these needs and related conflicts, when you run into them. It's a mini-psychology course in itself. You can review it-- [Here#1] You can also review exactly what is true, "Free Association"-- [Here#2] Also I am reading "Ego Development" at the "Szondi Test Study Group" It is giving me a better opinion of The Szondi Test and Freudian theory than my Cybernetics indoctrination would have ever have permitted--[Here#3]